🍼 BABY FM: THE LOUDEST 1%
3A3Y On Your Dial. 100% On Your Nerves.
Welcome to the only station managed, operated, and screamed by people who can’t even hold their own heads up. At Baby FM, we don’t do "Baby Shark." We do investigative journalism into why the cat gets a bowl of crunchies and I get a spoonful of mushy peas.
🎙️ NOW TRENDING ON THE FEED:
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The "Nappy" Financial Report: Why the diaper market is leaking and who’s to blame (Spoiler: It’s the milk).
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Parental Performance Reviews: We grade the "Big People" on their rocking speed, temperature control, and how fast they run when they hear a "thud" in the nursery.
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The 4 AM Philosophy Hour: If a pacifier falls in the crib and no one is awake to hear it, does it still make me scream for forty-five minutes? (Yes. Yes, it does.)
👶 THE TOP 40 (RECORDS NO ONE ASKED FOR):
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"Where’s My Nose?" – A 12-minute diss track against Uncle Steve.
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"The Vacuum is a Demon" – A heavy metal screaming session.
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"I See Your Phone (And I Want To Taste It)" – The summer's biggest anthem.
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"Sleep is for Cowards" – Featuring DJ Drool & The Sleep Regression Crew.
⚠️ LISTENER DISCRETION ADVISED
Baby FM is not responsible for:
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Sudden "sympathy" phantom crying.
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The overwhelming urge to check if you left the oven on.
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Spontaneous lactation (for the parents).
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Realizing that your toddler actually has a better social life than you do.
"Finally, a station that understands that 'Goo Goo' actually means 'I’ve hidden your car keys in the heating vent.' High-quality broadcasting." — A Baby Who Just Ate a Crayon
[ 🔊 TUNE IN & LOSE YOUR MINDS ]
Stop acting like you’re in charge. You’re just the intern. We’re the CEOs.
